Thoughts on turning 13. Well, here we are. We crossed that threshold of boyhood to teens last month in our house. A time I had dreaded, feared, and celebrated so many times in my mind throughout the years. I am instantly taken back to April 2007 and I’m holding my baby boys in my arms. They a few days old and all I can think about is how I want to hold onto that moment forever. I told him many times, whispered in his ear, “Please don’t grow up. Please stay mommy’s little boy forever.”
As s I sat in that peaceful moment, the thought hit me, “One day, this baby boy will be a teen. A sassy, stinky teen with ideas and opinions of his own.” I couldn’t get my head around that thought and pushed it away as soon as it came. I don’t have to think about that right then. I have plenty of years ahead of me before we get there.
Well, I blinked and I’m here. Standing at the door of the teen years wondering how we got here so quickly. What happened to those tiny babies I had? Where did all those memories go? I’m here to tell you that crossing that threshold into this new chapter is not as scary as I had once feared and I wouldn’t trade places with that 32 year old woman that was holding those tiny infants for anything.
We’ve come a long way on this journey and the journey’s only getting more and more fun each day. As I leave you today, I have three lessons that I have learned that I wish I could go back and tell myself as a young mom. One, don’t white knuckle your kids growing up. Learn to hold those stages a little bit more loosely and enjoy them. Let go of the fear that you are holding on so tightly and dreading those sweet babies growing up.
If I could go back and share some wisdom with younger self, I would tell her these lessons I’ve uncovered along the way . . .
1. Yes, it will be hard and some days you will wish they were little again, but the journey gets more and more fun.
“You did the hard work in the early years and now you get to reap the rewards and enjoy those 13 year old boys.” is what I remind myself. They are fun and interesting humans that you really enjoy talking to and actually like to be around. Life is so much more fun these day!
2. Meet your children where they’re at.
Find ways to connect with each one individually and at every stage along the way. Let go of your expectations for both you and them. Stop trying to control the outcomes and learn to simply be present with your kids. Academics, sports, extra curricular activities, and college will all work themselves out eventually. God has a plan for them and those plans are far bigger than you could ever imagine.
3. It’s important to invest regularly in a hobby and identity outside of your children.
I remember dropping my kids off the boys at first grade and realizing that they no longer needed me every hour of the day. As I sat there with tears pouring down my face, it was one of my hardest moments as a mom. It was then I realized I needed something of my own. I had poured six years 24/7 of my life into those kids and couldn’t imagine the day of having to turn them over to someone else. I knew that was the beginning of letting go and releasing them into the world and it would be so much easier for me if my identity was not wrapped up in them.
I realized then that I needed my own journey and that’s when I invested in my photography business. Having a hobby allows them to have more freedom as they grow, and it gave me a distraction and allowed me to have my own journey too. As they grow up and start to move towards independence, it’s easier to let go and let them spread their wings. Now, once they go off to college, I know it will be hard and I know I’ll be suffering sad moments, but having a journey on my own that parallels their journey makes it all that easier.
So, for any mom that’s out there dreading their sweet baby growing up, turning into the teen that everyone talks about I’m here to tell you that it’s really fun and these are amazing years to look forward to. Take the lessons that I have learned and put them into practice and you will find yourself leaning into those teen year like you never thought you would! We are so excited to start this journey of the need years!!
SENIOR | FAMILY | TEENS| BRANDING
Hello! I am Shelly and I am a small business owner. I’m a brand photographer that helps small businesses tell the story of their brand through high quality imagery! Though this process you will learn to tell your story to connect with your clients! Branding sessions give you the tools to position yourself as the go-to professional and shine online!
Such a beautiful post, Shelly. You were able to capture this journey so well with your insight. Kellan turns 13 this month. Where did the time go?